A Letter of Thanks...and The Importance of Friends

Death is not easy.  It's certainly not something we choose to deal with every day.  Actually, it's not something we choose to deal with ANY day.  Still, it happens.  It is as much a part of life as living.  By now, everyone reading this knows that my wife died last Sunday.  Certainly not something I'd wish on anyone.  Still, it forces a few things upon us when it does happen, and we are put in a position to examine, reexamine, question, and plan as never before.  It is, in short, a life-changing scenario.  I was asked, shortly after it happened, "Dave, why do these things always (seemingly) happen to you?"  First, I don't think I have any more or less negative experiences than anyone else.  My personal belief system allows me to expect things to happen as a matter of destiny, then try to understand the lesson I am to be learning from it.  It doesn't work for everyone, but suits my needs.  It's how I choose to deal with situations such as this and make sense of them, if even in a small way.  This particular situation has brought many revelations and clearer meaning even in the short time I have had to examine it.  For many, these lessons need to be shared and repeated. If what I have to offer helps anyone in the future, then the lessons and pain have not been in vain.

The first lessons I can share involve planning.  I will always be the person, from this day forward, that stresses the need for planning 'In the event of...' an unexpected emergency.  Allow me to ask of you a few questions.  Do you have a will?  If so, great - you are a head of the curve.  If not, why not?  Do you have your papers in a safe place where someone knows where to find them?  I suggest everyone go to Wal-Mart and buy a fireproof lockbox for $25 - $30.  Place your will, life insurance policies, instructions for your funeral, etc, in that box, then label it, "OPEN ME FIRST IN EVENT OF DEATH."  If you think that sounds morbid, cold, callous...you ought to see what happens when you don't have this in place.  A nightmare - trust me.  Are your named beneficiaries current and as you truly wish them to be?"  Just because you think something will go to the people you want to take care of, don't assume.  PLEASE.  You never know, there might be a policy you forgot to update.  Your spouse might be thinking they can use that policy to help cover some of the costs of the funeral.  If you haven't updated the policy, you might be gifting a former spouse that was abusive to you....all because you assumed it had been done or you were too lazy to take care of it.  Look around your home at the people you love - your wife, husband, children - are you really too lazy to fill out a form to ensure they aren't struggling at the time of your death?  Trust me, all you want them to do is miss you and grieve.  If you were not maintaining your policies, their grief may be short-lived as they try to figure out how to cover the costs of your ill-timed demise.  Please, for the sake of the people that share your life with you, plan for the eventual end.  That includes considering pre-paying your funeral.  It's similar to a term-life insurance policy.  You make a payment for a period of 10 years, then the costs are covered.  The good news is, if you make one payment and something unexpected happens, the costs are covered.  100%.  Completely.  Why am I making an issue of this?  Because when the funeral director says, "Here's the cost for the package you've chosen," he will expect a check.  No, there are no payment plans at that point.  Your plan then is to hand him a check.  I have yet to find a package that is less than 5 figures.  Do the math and take care of paying it ahead of time.  It's the message I have, and I'm spreading the word.

The other lessons I have gleaned from this experience involve the importance of friends.  Not just having them, but of being one.  I was amazed and speechless at the outpouring of love, caring, and kindness shown by so many people from all across the country.  For what seemed like days, I was carrying two phones and receiving calls from people almost non-stop sending their condolences.  In the days after her death and as the plans were being made, people began to arrive in Alabama.  They came from Florida, Texas, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, and as far away as the State of Washington.  I received cards, thoughts on Facebook, and individual e-mails from people expressing their concern and sorrow, while asking if they could do anything.  My response to these calls was to let them know that the only thing I really wanted them to do was turn back time.  In the absence of that, there was nothing they could do...or so I thought.  The calls I received were, honestly, enough for me.  To know there are people in your life that take the time to attempt to console you during these periods, is amazing and wonderful.  The fact that many of them continued to call (and still are, actually) is something that makes me shake my head in wonder and disbelief.  Again, powerful and amazing.  I realized, too, that many of them made the comment, as I thanked them for being there, calling, etc, "Don't be silly, you'd be the first one there if it happened to me."  It's nice to have them acknowledge that as I strive to be that kind of friend.  Of course, they are the same (as they showed this past week) and, truth be told, I will always be there for them.  I just hope it never has to be for the same reason.

I have been blessed with amazing, incredible friends and this is an open letter of thanks to you all.  The words, thoughts, prayers, kindness, and concern you have shown for me, not only this past week but in general, touch me beyond belief.  You have absolutely no idea how it affects me in such a positive way.  One couple could not attend...yet made certain that we were all fed after the viewing.  A caterer showed up at 2:00 on the dot...and proceeded to put out a spread to feed many.  We walked in to the funeral home and the floral arrangement above greeted us - something near & dear to Sharon's heart - and these were sent from our Penn State friends ('family', actually), along with a few Crimson Tide fans (more 'family').  There were coworkers of Sharon's that had not seen her for over three years...yet they always loved her and attended her service.  To have someone tell you that your wife considered you the 'love of her life' is something we all want to hear, and when they shared it, it brought tears to my eyes.  To have people continually call just to, "see how you're doing," is something that, for me at least, will never get old.  To have a home filled with people that will share their fondest memories of your spouse, the times they spent with you both, and the crazy things the two of you did, is what it takes to ease the pain.  My home was filled with laughter a few nights ago as we recalled a life that, while taken too soon, was lived as fully as possible and I appreciate all of you for making me smile.  This is not going to be easy, I realize that.  The support has come from my family - my daughter, my mother, my sisters....and all of you.  I cannot consider you anything BUT family.  I have said since the day it happened - I will continue to wake up, get dressed, put one foot in front of the other...and breathe.  I said at her funeral that I wanted hers to be a celebration of life rather than a somber occasion.  This situation, more than any I can recall, made me think of a quote I think we've all heard - "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."  I could be incredibly, horribly sad and, though I am having my moments, will admit to being grateful that I had seven years of a great life.  I consider this the end of a chapter, not the book.  The rest of my journey begins now - in fact it's already begun - and I want each and every one of you along for the ride.  You are my support, my family, my life.  I promise to make yours as special as you have made mine.  Thank you from the heart...and more than I can ever express.  I love you all.

Until next time.......

My Grown-Up Christmas Wish...In Memory of The Kids

I've thought of so many ways to begin this post because there are so many thoughts I want to tie together.  In the immortal words of Julie Andrews, let's start at the very beginning.  We all know it's been a little over 48 hours since we heard the sickening (literally) news of the senseless killings of innocents in Norwalk, CT.  The eldest of these was 56 years old, the majority, students, 6-and 7-year olds.  I must confess, as I read the story this morning to verify these numbers, I find it difficult to read as my eyes welled with tears yet again.  I don't mean to dwell on it or tear back the scab that is beginning to form as we heal, however we must.  We must not forget these children and educators, for if we do, we ourselves become numb to the gravity of the situation.  Make no mistake - this is a grave situation.  Make no mistake here, either - I am not talking about gun control, mental illness, the safety of our schools.  No, I am talking in broader strokes about our inhumanity toward each other as people.  By the way, my 'Wish' I mentioned is at the end of the post.  It's in the form of a challenge and I think you'll understand.

Fortunately, a friend posted something on Facebook that gave me the inspiration for this entry.  They simply said that they had been a recipient of a random act of kindness.  Someone in a Starbucks drive-thru, a man in the car just ahead of her's, paid for her coffee and bought her a cookie.  He then drove off.  Purely random, incredible, unsolicited kindness.  Sadly, we look at actions such as this as extraordinary.  I think that, in itself, shows where we are headed as a society.  It cost him little, yet made a huge impact.  It needs to happen more frequently.

 As I sat here this morning drinking my coffee, I watched commercials on television and thought about the shopping yet to be done.  Then, almost as quickly, the images and stories came flooding back.  Yes, many of us are sitting here with family today, yet there are 26 people whose funerals are being planned.  The majority of these are children.  That is simply not natural and something no parent should have to endure.  I imagine many of our own children were squeezed, kissed, hugged, and cried over in the past 48 hours than they had been in the past 48 days.  We need to do that more frequently, too.  I refuse to mention the name of the perpetrator of these acts.  If the national media wants to impress me, I will gladly sit and listen about each and every child that was killed.  If you want to give me a story, tell of the heroics of 27-year old Victoria Soto, one of the teachers, who died protecting her students.  Tell me about the principal, Dawn Hochsprung, who died as she tried to stop the gunman.  I do not care why he did it, nor do I care to hear anything more of him.  Let the specialists figure out those facts, but for God's sake, stop making these people household names.  You're giving them what they wanted.  Stop it.  Now.

I used to be concerned, in my younger years, about what people would think if I said or did certain things or acted a certain way.  What I mean by that is, many of us (especially of the male gender) have been conditioned to tell our spouses and our families we love them.  It is noticeably rare that you hear two heterosexual males say, "I love you," to a friend.  Oh, how we've conditioned ourselves.  At this point, I have to interject that I have always been surprised and proud of how my son has handled this.  It's never fazed him.  When I was younger, I (like many of us, I think) hated my parents being around for fear they would embarrass me in front of my friends.  He, however, has never hesitated to tell his mother, father, and friends he loves them, even when he was in school.  Of course, he was the starting center on the football team.  Me, not so much.  No one was going to make fun of him.  Still, I have come to realize that what happened Friday could happen to any of us at any time.  Do you really want to be the one that left something unsaid to those that matter?  As I said, those were in my younger years.  I will gladly tell those that matter, especially as they have been in my life for many years, that they matter and I love them.  What's that?  You say you can't say it to another male friend?  Get over yourself - they matter, let them know how much.

Eldridge Cleaver once said, "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem."  Edmund Burke also said, "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."  I choose think we, as a whole, are good.  I also think we need to do something.  Again, we'll have the gun control, mental health, safety conversations, trust me.  We all know they will come as they always do.  That brings to mind another famous quote by Albert Einstein, who said, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result."  We've continued to do the same things, repeatedly, and we've see the same result.  Am I the only one that thinks we might need to attack the problem from another angle?  Am I the only person that shakes their head when we hear these stories, thinks that we really need to address the problem, yet assumes someone else will take care of it?  Many of us do the same thing as we are too engrossed in our daily lives to try to make a real difference.  Knowing the demands placed on our time, as well as realizing our current efforts are not enough, we've got to find something...anything...that will allow us to affect change while not taxing our already-stressed schedules.  Therein lies the impetus for my wish.

Many of you are friends on Facebook.  I have to admit, there are many 'stories' and posts on that site that say, "Click if you hate cancer, scroll if you don't."  Please, people - we all hate cancer.  It's ridiculous.  "Click if you support our troops, scroll if they mean nothing to you."  "Click if you believe in God, keep scrolling if you don't."  I see many of these posts and, while we may or may not 'click', I'm going to challenge you to do something that will, hopefully, go viral and make a difference.  Here it is:

My Grown-Up Christmas wish if for people to remember this quote - "Never doubt that a small group of committed citizens can change the world.  You know why?  It's the only thing that ever has."  We seek change, yet know not how to go about it.  I'd like to see people share this with as many others as possible, then commit to a single random act of kindness.  To do this, daily, would make a huge impact, don't you think?  I can do it, my daughter or son can do it, my family can do it...and we will see a little change.  Think, though, of the amazing impact we can have if just the people reading this would do it.  How much time, and at what cost, did it take for someone to simply buy a cup of coffee for someone else?  We can all 'pay it forward' and we owe it to ourselves and, more importantly, our children to make the commitment.

There it is - my Christmas wish.  If no more children are lost due to senseless, depraved acts of violence, we win.  If teachers can go into a classroom and educate our children without having to shield them from harm, we win.  If we all get to the point where we actually show love, caring, kindness, and consideration to others....win win.  Big.  We don't know how many Christmases we have left in our lives - none of us does - and this might be the solution that we haven't tried yet.  What we've been doing isn't working.  Don't we owe it to ourselves to at least try?  Thank you for taking the time to read and share this.  Thank you for doing something nice for someone you don't know.  Most importantly, thank you for beings friends.  Merry Christmas to all...and God bless us every one.

Until next time................

Typing Through Tears

It's been quite a while since I posted anything here which seems to be my new M.O.  There are those times, however, that make me decide I have to vent and let my feelings out if even to be put into words appearing on a screen.  Whether others read it or not, it helps me to say what I am feeling so I can come to terms with the incredible emotions being felt.  Today, of course, is one of those times.

The day started as any other Friday at work, my first call coming in from a co-worker who, somewhere during the initial part of the call, was perusing the online news feed of his computer.  "Oh, great.  Another school shooting.  Somewhere in CT.  Great way to start a Friday."  He was, of course, being very sarcastic.  We were sharing our thoughts at the unbelievable nature of these situations only briefly before moving on to the subject of work.  After a few minutes we ended the call and I began searching the web for information I needed.  When I brought up my homepage, it was then I saw the depth of the situation.  The reports at that time had 26 people dead - 18 students and 8 adults.  I was sure this was another high school shooting until.....I saw the photos.  Photos of children being led by policewomen in blue windbreakers and holding radios guiding a line of children that appeared to be in elementary school.  If the caption hadn't existed, this might have even looked like a line of children heading to a bus for a field trip.  Instead, it was a class being taken to safety, guided by these women.  These were...children!  I know that teenagers are children, too, though in these times that is easy to forget.  These children, though, are 10 years old and under.  Kindergarten through 4th grade.  How was this possible?

We know now that there are 20 children dead.  We also know there are 6 adults dead.  I say children, though we might as easily use the term babies.  I have a 16-year old daughter who, as any father will attest, will always be my baby.  The difference, however, is that she has seen things that taught her there is evil in the world.  She knows how to be 'streetwise' and aware of her surroundings.  These babies have not seen those things, nor do they understand the true concept of evil.  At least they hadn't known it until today.  As I turned on the television, my thoughts went immediately to my 5-year old granddaughter.  She spent the night with us the other evening and, best of all, wanted to bake cookies with me.  She fell asleep in front of the television and, after carrying her to bed, I tucked her in safe and sound.  In the morning, I got to relive times I had spent with my daughter when she was that age.  I gently woke her, helped her get dressed and brushed her teeth before whisking her away to daycare.  She talked the entire time we drove to school and I soaked in the memories like a sponge.  I was transported back to a magical time about 12 years ago that I had, to some degree, forgotten.  Today, though, I watched the television and openly wept.  I felt the tears run down my cheek as I said out loud, "These were just defenseless children, you bastard!"  I thought of friends and family that have young children and how none of us are ever prepared for the loss of a child in any fashion, much less at the hands of a sick, demented, twisted individual that did this for a reason no one can understand, nor one that can, in any way, be justified.

These were children whose main concern was what would be under their Christmas trees in 10 days.  They were thinking about what they'd tell Santa when he asked if they were good little boys and girls and what they wanted for Christmas.  They were thinking about the fun they'd have over their Christmas break.  They were, most likely, thinking about this being the most incredible time of the year.    Christmas, from this point forward, will be forever darkened for the families of the children that were in that school today.  This will forever be an anniversary of this tragedy and will take more than a little time to heal.  We will all, for some time to come, remember this as we did Columbine.

We'll spend the next few days analyzing and listening to details of why he did it, what he was thinking. We won't really care, though.  Babies have died needlessly.  We will talk about gun control and mental illness.  We will propose and pass legislation.  We will hear it on talk radio shows and national television.  We will discuss it at length and, in the end, it will happen again.  We will hear this news over and over again because we are drifting as a society, our moral compasses helplessly spinning.  I don't profess to have the answer, though I know it is not a gun control issue that requires more worthless legislation.  Every time we pass a new law, there are so many loopholes that we could drive a truck through them.  There are certain guns on the market that are not needed for self-defense.  This isn't the day for that conversation, though.  Today's conversation is how do we help, even in a small way, these families heal?

I am, and always will be, a fan of the television show, "The West Wing."  I have always thought the writing to be insightful and moving, while at times providing incredible quotes that fit our times and situations.  One such quote that I think describes how I feel tonight is this:


"All I know for sure, all I know for certain, is that they weren't born wanting to do this. There's evil in the world, there'll always be, and we can't do anything about that. But there's violence in our schools, too much mayhem in our culture, and we can do something about that. There's not enough character, discipline, and depth in our classrooms; there aren't enough teachers in our classrooms. There isn't nearly enough, not nearly enough, not nearly enough money in our classrooms, and we can do something about that. We're not doing nearly enough, not nearly enough to teach our children well, and we can do better, and we must do better, and we will do better, and we will start this moment today! They weren't born wanting to do this."


Mark my words, and I have heard it from others being interviewed today, this will happen again.  We need to stop asking why and become parents again.  I have asked over the past several years when we stopped being able to discipline our children.  I remember that spankings were thought to be detrimental to the child and that parents, if allowed to continue this practice, would far too easily abuse the child.  I'd like to go on record as saying it has gotten out of control.  I have seen children speak to their elders in a way that would have gotten me a quick meeting with my father's belt or hand.  I would have experienced punishment (and did) that made me learn my lesson which, truth be told, was needed.  We need to teach right from wrong and, though I am not an advocate of spanking and used it as an example, need to discipline our youth.  Would that have saved these children?  I don't know.  No one does.  I can say, though, that without discipline we are headed far off the course that needed to be set.  Making sure we discipline our children is a responsibility and not doing so is detrimental to not just them, but society as a whole.  Ask any of the parents of the children that died today.  Now, here I am ranting about child discipline, not knowing if it was a factor or not.  I can only assume, based on the previous situations we've seen, that it was.  Parents, too consumed with giving their children everything they ask for, have forgotten to give them the things they are truly in need of - our time and our love.

In another line stolen from the series, I'll paraphrase when I say, the streets of heaven are filled with too many angels tonight.  They are angles that should not be there but, rather, here waiting for that special day, Christmas.  They should be here, their nights filled with the anticipation of this holiday.  They should be snuggled in their beds counting down the days until that night, only 10 days from now, when they would pull the covers around them, fight sleep as long as they could, then drifted off only to awaken and run downstairs to see that the magic really exists.  These were babies and we cannot imagine, even as adults, the unspeakable hell they went through today.  Their friends and teachers that were fortunate enough to survive will never forget this day and will carry this with them forever.  We can only hope that they will honor their classmates' memories by learning respect and discipline.  We can only hope they will hold their own children close, later in life, and let them know they are loved every minute of every day.

I have ranted more than usual, written more than I should, and gone off on too many tangents.  Regardless, I feel a little better and my tears have dried for now.  I hope we all, from this point forward, do our parts to help each other do what we can to stop this madness.  We owe it to each other, if only through random acts of kindness that we commit as often as possible.

Until next time.............

What I Remember...Not of THAT Day, But of That Time

I'm seeing tributes everywhere today. People stating that, "We Will Not Forget," or, "We Will Always Remember." Of course, we'll remember...how could we not? We, as a nation, lost our innocence that day. It wasn't the first time, either. A generation ago, our parents and grandparents felt a similar 'sting' with the death of Camelot. An 'ideal' was ripped from them and, together, they carried the scars of a November day in Dallas. Until 2001, we really hadn't experienced anything like that. Time, as it always does, moved forward...and so did we. Until.....

I was sitting in my car in a parking lot, talking on the phone with a coworker, when she told me a plane crashed into the World Trade Center. I, of course, assumed it to be a small plane. As we continued our conversation, I heard her gasp and exclaim, "Oh, my God! I just watched another one hit the other tower!" Instinctively, our rational minds told us this was no accident. Across the country, we rushed to turn on our televisions and radios, while simultaneously calling family members to make sure they were okay. For the remainder of that day (and well into the next), we watched, over and over, as the planes flew into the towers. We saw the scarred landscape in Pennsylvania... and the gaping hole in the side of the Pentagon. Oh yes, we'll remember...and no, we will not forget.

For all these images, though, they aren't what I remember the most. While I mourn the lives that were lost that day, I prefer to keep positive memories…and there were many associated with these horrific acts. While it's easy to dwell on the surreal images of the jets flying into the World Trade Center.....I remember the flags. They were everywhere. Suddenly, and without a second thought, the American flag was flying from, what seemed like, every house in The country. it was flown over the rubble in New York, and used cover the hole in the Pentagon. For a brief moment in time (and something we should remember right now), we weren't Republicans or Democrats - we were Americans. We weren't black, white, or Hispanic - we were Americans. We weren't young or old, rich or poor - we were Americans. I remember, too, how selfless people were in their actions. We were kinder and gentler with each other. We actually made eye contact and spoke with others with a renewed, unified sense of American pride. It was almost as if, without knowing it, we had been transported back to the 50s. We respected each other and cared for each other, all while showing the world we are the 'United' States. Personally, and with the exception of the lives lost, I thought the terrorists made an egregious error and truly underestimated our resolve as a nation.

I mourn for the families that lost loved ones that day - we cannot imagine the emptiness they must feel. I also honor the heroes of that day - those on the planes, as well as the firefighters, policemen, and other emergency workers. That's something else I remember. While the freaks that perpetrated these acts were cowardly, we still have people that are willing to run INTO burning, smoldering buildings. 343 firefighters lost their lives that day, most of whom were asked to run INTO danger... and they never flinched. The same is true for the police and paramedics....and countless civilians.

That's what I remember. The flags that represented, at a time of deep national crisis, the embodiment of what our forefathers imagined for us 200+ years ago. We certainly made them proud and stood true to their ideals. I remember our heroes - men and women who, when asked, were willing to give up their lives for another. No, we will NEVER forget...for that day alone was one of my proudest moments to be called an 'American' and was a shining example of what we, as a country, stand for.

Until next time.....

The Olympics Are Over - Here's How We Know...

I suppose I should have gotten to this sooner.  If I had, though, the "rest of the story," would not have presented itself.  I would have been stuck writing purely about The Games of the XXX Olympiad.  That, as we all know, would have been exceedingly boring, right?  Yes, I jest.  For it was in these games that we saw history made or rewritten repeatedly.  The most obvious example was Baltimore's own, Michael Phelps.  After assuring the entire world this was his last Olympics, we watched him become the most decorated Olympian in history.  Yes, he chose a sport that allowed him to be in a position to do so, however let's not forget - he had to perform to win the medals.  The final tally, as we've all been told, is 22 total medals.  Of those, there are 18 Gold.  Let's not forget the games in 2008, either, when Phelps challenged Mark Spitz's record of 7 Gold medals in a single Olympiad...and came home with 8.  He twice became the only man to win a Gold medal in the same event at three separate Games.  The list goes on...yet we've (supposedly) seen him for the last time swimming competitively.  There are many that hope, myself included, that he might consider Rio in 2016, yet another part of me wants him to ride off into the sunset so he can retire on top.  I liked his attitude, too, when told there would be many that would hate to see this particular retirement - "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."  Perfect.

We also got to watch the "Fab Five," in action.  Five young women dressed in leotards, their hair pulled back, looking ready to take on the world.  They were only teenagers, though they carried themselves with grace, dignity and confidence while exemplifying 'sportsmanship' to their competitors. Honestly, did our collective hearts not break for Jordyn Weiber?  She qualified 4th overall for the Individual competition, yet could not compete because only two athletes were allowed form each country.  Silly rule - change it.  We want to see the 24 best athletes perform.  We watched McKayla Maroney absolutely NAIL her vault for the team.  It should have been a perfect score...yet, we watched as she went for her individual medal and, though she is the undisputed 'best in the world' on the vault, she landed on....well, she sat down.  We gasped.  Still, we watched Gabby Douglas win a Gold in the All-Around, while Aly Raisman won for the floor exercise.  We were diggin' it.

There were other stories, lesser-known and told, that grabbed our attention, too.  One in particular that was aired on the Nightly News focused on one of our female weightlifters.  This young woman has always been big.  She had been teased and people made fun of her.  She also lived on $400/month while training and, at times, had to live in her car.  Why would anyone do that?  Why would they sacrifice so much?  Because, as she pointed out, she can call herself, "An Olympian."  It's a small, select group...and she is one of the few.  I respect that.  She wanted to represent her country...our country...on the world's biggest stage.  Impressive.

The most impressive story of these Games, however (I don't even need to say it, do I?) was a South African athlete...with no lower legs.  Oscar Pistorius.  Tell me again how bad your day has been.  Tell me the problems you have in life.  Tell me, again, how difficult things are and how hard it is to get motivated.  To watch him run was amazing, yet to hear the stories of his youth even more so.  His mother's words echoing, always, in his mind - "Disabled doesn't have to mean disadvantaged."  Powerful?  Absolutely.  I really enjoyed her brand of motivation when she told his brother, "Put on your shoes.  Oscar, put on your legs.  That's the last I want to hear of it today."  The most amazing part of this man, though, is illustrated in the picture.  He has become a symbol of hope for many small children and, more than many adults using empty words, is teaching them that there are no limits to what they can do.  It was, in short, an amazing Olympiad and all of England should be proud.  The world thanks you.

Then, however (and the rest of the story), we get an illustration of how that perfect harmony created every two years is only an illusion in the 'real' world.  It was a story written today regarding discrimination and harassment.  28-year old Imane Boudlal, a naturalized US citizen from Morocco, has filed suit against the Walt Disney Company.  In the suit, she is charging harassment and religious discrimination based on her Muslim religion and ethnic origins in North Africa.  She began working as a hostess at Grand Californian Hotel & Spa Resort in 2008.  She claims, too, that she was harassed by fellow workers and that Disney refused to accommodate her request to wear a traditional Muslim headscarf, a hijab, at work.  Ultimately, this caused her to leave Disney in 2010.  No, I do not have the dates wrong.  She left in 2010 and she is NOW filing suit.  Why it took two years to file this suit is beyond me...though I can imagine it might have something to do with the ACLU and an ambulance-chasing lawyer catching the story.  Okay, this is where I feel my constant disclaimer must be placed: I have nothing against practicing Muslims or, for that matter, anyone of ANY specific religion, race, creed, or color.  I just think that's a long time...don't you?  So...Boudlal claims the harassment began, "as soon as I started working there.  It only got worse when I decided to wear a hijab.  My journey towards wearing it couldn't have been more American; it began at my naturalization ceremony. I realized that I had the freedom to be who I want and freely practice my religion."

Wait.....let's revisit that for a moment.  If I read that correctly, she did NOT always wear a hijab.  She decided to do so at her naturalization ceremony.  She had been working without the hijab, then decided at a later time it was appropriate.  Disney, for their part, sought a compromise.  They offered her (with 4 separate choices) headwear that would both compliment her uniform, as well as allow her to accomplish her goal of covering her head in observance of her religion.  In addition, if she absolutely HAD to wear the hijab (something that she apparently did NOT), they offered her other positions that would be in an area in the back of the restaurant.  My point being - they tried to accommodate Boudlal and her religion.  They specifically made head coverings for her that she rejected. Why, if wearing the hijab initially wasn't an issue, would she reject their attempts at compromise?  I think we know why...and is an issue that is bothering many of us.  To all that want to practice their religions here, we are fine with that.  For those that beg our tolerance, we hear you.  For those that want us to accommodate your wishes, I have a few questions.  Why did you come here when you could have stayed in your homeland and worn this whenever you wished?  Why is it we always have to, "Press 1 for English."?  This is America and we are proud of the fact that we are a 'melting pot' of so many different societies, however we are Americans.  Period.  I wonder, as I have often in the past, what kind of tolerance we would receive if we were to go to your former countries and brought legal action against someone being intolerant of our religious beliefs or customs.  Yes, that's rhetorical.  We all know the answer...which is, quite honestly, why you are here.  Disney is an American company.  They have rules for their employees and should not be forced to bend to threats or legal actions.  The rule applies to all AND they offered a compromise.  Seriously, though...was it a compromise you wanted...or an opportunity to sue Disney and, like the new American Dream, rake in unearned millions?  When our ancestors came to Ellis Island, they came with a few dollars in their pockets.  The only real thing they had was hope and all they asked was an opportunity.  They did not come demanding we would do something for them.  They, rather, wanted to make something and help build this great nation.  Word of advice - you might want to try that...and see if the tolerance increases.  My bet is it will.  I'll stand beside you and help build 'our' country again...........

Until next time...................

True Colors - More Than A Cyndi Lauper Tune...and The Olympics

I have purposely waited, yet again to weigh in on this issue.  As with other issues, I chose not to have a 'knee-jerk' reaction, and to see how people on both sides of the issue acted and responded.  I am amazed.  Amazed, quite honestly, at how we treat each other, especially those that will tell you they are only pushing to 'be accepted for who they are' and are 'all about getting along equally'.  I'm calling bullshit.  Excuse me, but that is how fed up I am with the way people are treating each other and the so-called issue of hate.  Yes, by now you know I am speaking of the Chik-Fil-A situation and the comments made by Founder Dan Cathy.  First, let me clear this up and go on record - I have friends that are gay, both men and women.  I respect them and treat them no differently than others.  I had a cousin that was gay.  He died, not of pneumonia, but of AIDS, I think.  So you know I am not setting this up to be either pro-anything or anti-anything, there is the preface.  Okay...let's set the record straight, AGAIN, for those of you who simply want to push your agenda and twist people's words and actions to benefit your cause.

Dan Cathy was being interviewed by a Baptist magazine when he uttered those now famous words:

Some have opposed the company's support of the traditional family. "Well, guilty as charged," said Cathy when asked about the company's position.

"We are very much supportive of the family -- the biblical definition of the family unit. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that.

"We operate as a family business ... our restaurants are typically led by families; some are single. We want to do anything we possibly can to strengthen families. We are very much committed to that," Cathy emphasized.

"We intend to stay the course," he said. "We know that it might not be popular with everyone, but thank the Lord, we live in a country where we can share our values and operate on biblical principles."


So there it is.  I have read those statements, read them again, and read them again.  I have looked everywhere, however cannot seem to find the part where they say they HATE anyone.  The man was speaking of the values of his company and his personal  beliefs.  They are Pro-family.  Please help me understand - I have read the list of organizations to whom they have donated money (their right, I believe) and I am struggling.  They gave money to the Family Research Council who has been controversially labeled a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center.  Okay, let's just suppose for a moment they ARE, in fact, anti-gay.  They may be - I do not know.  HOWEVER, we have to flip the coin to see the other side - gay and lesbian rights groups are upset because this group pushes an anti-gay stance....but wait, THEY'RE allowed to push a gay stance the same way?  Wait...I'm confused.  They are condemned for doing....the SAME THING you are doing?  What the.....help me, please.

I have heard that the groups to whom Chik-Fil-A donates are spewing vile, hateful messages.  I have to say, folks, that for the past few days I have heard more hate and vile spewed FROM the gay and lesbian community as they preach their own intolerance.  Again, let me restate - you will not see me being either pro- or against- either side.  I am merely stating observations.  They sell chicken sandwiches, believe they ought to be closed on Sundays, and are religious.  Why can we not accept that?  I hate to overstate the simplicity of this, but...If you don't agree, DON'T eat there!  You see, it isn't about what Dan Cathy said, nor is it about his restaurants.  One of my other observations is that, while certain groups are begging our understanding and our acceptance, they only want to do so with a fight.  There it is.  You have to admit, in the grand scheme of things, the gay and lesbian community has already gained far more acceptance than many wanted to give.  Compare this to 30 years ago.  Hey, compare it to 20 years ago.  Think you haven't made strides?  You have...but it isn't enough, is it?  Will it ever be? Let me ask the million dollar question - what is it you REALLY want?  You want the discussion, let's have it.  What would it take for the parades to stop?  What would it take for you to stop telling me (or us) we are inconsiderate of you?  Marriage?  We're getting there - do you really want me to give you the whole, "Rome wasn't built in a day," speech?  Oddly, the friends I have that are gay or lesbian never seem to be the people that are involved in these protests.  This, like the Pro-Choice/Abortion issue, only ever seems to attract the people that need to grandstand.  Yes, you folks really hurt Chik-Fil-A yesterday, huh?  They had record sales.  Today, however, when you staged your Kiss-A-Thon or whatever it was called, there were about two dozen people that showed up to kiss their significant other.  Know what Dan Cathy did?  Shook his head in disapproval...as he handed over another twenty sandwiches to the public.  Yesterday should have told you something and it goes back to my question - what do you really want?  If tolerance is the answer, then stop pushing your agenda on everyone.  Can you not see by yesterday's sales that there are still MANY people in this country that DO believe with Mr Cathy?  Listen, we are more than willing to be accepting...if you'll agree to stop making everything a fight.  You think you have to, however you might try actually having a conversation first.  Honestly.  Give it a try...then we'll talk.  For now, though, heed the opposite of Nike's words - JUST DON'T DO IT! (eat there, I mean).

While we're at it, I don't want to hammer the gay/lesbian coalition solely.  Next up?  Bob Costas.  Yes, Costas worked his media magic last night when sweet little Gabby won her gold medal.  Costas had to note that Gabby was the first black to win this medal.  As I've said before, I cannot be politically-correct so I will still say 'black' which, as far as I can tell, my black friends that did NOT come from Africa are okay with.  Costas also noted that, "Tomorrow, there will be young African-American girls all over this country wanting to take gymnastics now because they know they, too, can win the gold."  Bob, you're an idiot.  Personally, after three consecutive gold medals for the young women of our gymanstics team in the All-Around portion, I'd say there are scads of young women - white, black, yellow, purple, green - ALL knowing they can do it.  This is not about black or white.  This is about Red, White, and Blue.  I sat on my couch watching a young woman my daughter's age, having left her mother and move half way across country to be with strangers....JUST so she could be the best in representing her country.  As a matter of fact, you could take the entire "Fab Five" and paint them any color you want - I'd still be amazingly proud of the way they represented us.  Let's start with Jordyn Weiber - she got left out of the finals even though she placed in fourth in the preliminaries.  She is the reigning World Champion but the two-finalists-per-country rule (which needs to be changed, by the way) kept her out. Instead, we had a 4-way run at the title while others placing far lower competed.  is THAT the Olympic Spirit?  Jordyn, though, after a few moments of sadness, rose to the occasion and cheered her team on.  Rules, after all, are rules and she abided by them.  When Aly Raisman tied for third and was placed in a tie-breaking fourth position (another NEW rule from earlier this year) she accepted it...and said she was okay with being 4th in the world.  I've seen our swimmers congratulate those whom they've beaten and others do the same.  This is absolutely not a black and white issue, Bob.  This is an American issue.  Sadly, race relations will NEVER get better as long as we have the media continuing their sensationalizing of each and every moment...just for the sake of ratings.

I know this has been somewhat rambling, though I hope it is coherent.  I've jumped around but these issues ALL matter today and I wanted to touch on all of them.  The 'jumping' is what happens when there are too many thoughts...and my fingers cannot type quickly enough.  Please, folks, seriously...can we not treat each other with a little bit more care?  Can we not truly be more understanding and accepting?  I know we have differences - we always will.  Either we learn to accept our differences and get along or it's going to continue to be a bumpy, hateful, unkind road.  I know which I'd prefer...and which would be best for us all.  Let's try, if even for a little while, what do you say?

Until next time..............

Saddened and Ashamed

I always thought of becoming a lawyer.  No, really.  I thought it would be a pretty cool gig...until I heard the jokes (and had first-hand knowledge of some lawyers).  You know, the ones we've all heard - "What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?  A great start."  Sad...but oh, so true.  Still, I thought it more of the process that was a calling, and having to actually debate.  That's it - the debate.  That is what I enjoy.  With that, I cannot imagine how easy it would be to debate some on the issues of the day.  Are these issues what have me "saddened and ashamed"?  To a degree, yes.  The thing is, I am more frustrated than anything, I believe.  Frustrated in the fact that people - everyday people with actual brains and minds and thoughts - are so easily swayed by the media.  I now realize, as well as have firsthand knowledge, of the fact that we are easily duped by the media in print, on the radio, and on television.  Yes...firsthand knowledge.  The 'sharing' is coming up - give me a few seconds to set this up...because I am ashamed and embarrassed about us as a society right now.  **WARNING: IF YOU DO NOT HAVE AN OPEN MIND AND CANNOT READ FURTHER KNOWING I HAVE DONE MY RESEARCH, CLOSE THE PAGE NOW.  PLEASE.**

I hate and abhor child molestation and abuse.  Period.  Vile and disgusting and a theft that can never be repaid.  As a parent, I can state publicly that I used to live next door to a state trooper.  When my daughter was but two or three years old, he and I were sitting in my garage looking out to the street where the kids were playing.  He was telling me of some of the more horrific crimes he had investigated, including one with child molestation.  At that point, I politely informed him that, should anything even close to that ever happen to my daughter, he was to come to me first and make sure I was restrained.  Then, he was to go into my home and remove all weapons and ammunition.  Then...and ONLY then...could he tell me what happened.  I would, without question, be like Samuel L Jackson in, "A Time To Kill," where he avenged his daughter.  So w're on the same page, right?  You get it and understand?  Current events - Jerry Sandusky should rot in hell.  Period.

I have purposely not spoken out on this for a few months as we watched how it all played out, AND I wanted to let Louis Freeh do his job as an Independent Investigator into what happened at Penn State.  So everyone knows - I am from Pennsylvania originally, however I was NEVER a Penn State fan.  I went to Temple University and prayed for them to, at least once in my lifetime, beat PSU in football.  I then moved to Virginia and had a son that went to VA Tech.  My friends and former roommates went to Tech, too.  I pulled for them, BUT....I have ALWAYS been a fan of the Crimson Tide.  Since a kid growing up in PA, I respected Bear Bryant and the team in Tuscaloosa.  I respected Joe Paterno...BUT was not a disciple.  I respected him for what he meant to the game.  Hell, who wouldn't respect someone that did what he did for the kids that went to school there? A-HA!  There you are saying things that I have been reading and hearing this week - "He was a pedophile-enabler," or "He covered up child abuse - Louis Freeh said so and I heard it on TV!!"  There is the problem.  How many of you actually read Freeh's report?  Yes, I have.  All of it.  All 267 pages of it.  Was I bored?  No.  Was I curious? No.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing because, as I had grown up with this name being part of the school all my life, I found it hard to believe AND I was hearing conflicting reports from those that HAD read the report.

What was reported on television by Louis Freeh and others was his summary.  It should be noted, too, that the ONLY key witness he spoke to was Graham Spanier.  In his summary, he stated that, "It would be a reasonable conclusion," to assume certain things.  Call me fickle, crazy, or just a non-believer, but I STILL believe in Due Process.  That we are, fundamentally, innocent until proven guilty.  Again, let me reiterate - Child Abuse and Molestation is WRONG and SHOULD NEVER BE TOLERATED.  With that said, though, who among us (show of hands, please) would like to be accused of something like this (Oh, yes...it CAN and HAS happened) without your day in court?  Now, having said that, too - Jerry Sandusky was found guilty.  Due process at it's finest.  Schultz and Curley are yet to go to court, however they are charged with perjury.  Graham Spanier was forced out.  In ALL of the Freeh Report, I found mention of Joe Paterno having been told of an act of abuse and he reported it.  Yes, to the Campus Police...who, by the way, are a recognized police force in the Commonwealth with all rights and responsibilities of any other municipal police force.  He reported it...and Curley, Schultz, and Spanier did nothing to either inform the Board of Trustees, nor go to the Dept of Public Welfare.

I've heard a lot about the situation that started in 1998.  Here are the facts - this instance WAS investigated by the police.  There was also a psychologist involved that concluded that there was no sexual abuse at that point.  Then, in 2001, there were actually detectives in a woman's home AFTER her son had showered with Sandusky at the school that overheard him ADMIT to this.  Still, no charges were filed.  The current Governor, Tom Corbett, Attorney General of PA at the time, did NOT seek an indictment.  Seriously?  SERIOUSLY?  Now, Louis Freeh states in the report that, Schultz, Curley, Spanier, and Paterno were aware of the alleged instances of molestation, yet did nothing to protect the children from further acts?  I want to know where the police, investigators, Attorney General, and others were when THEY WERE AWARE of these acts yet still DID NOTHING.

I think what happened on this campus is a tragedy and a travesty.  There are many that need to pay, however lets make sure we get the right people AND punish everyone that had knowledge of, yet did nothing.  For everything I've heard about Joe Paterno having (by his own admission) not done enough, there are far too many that did NOTHING.  Graham Spanier, most notably, should be locked away.  Schultz and Curley should join him.  Paterno is dead.  If you read the report, you might have a difficult time wondering how the NCAA could exact the punishments they did.  You might truly have to ask, "Wait a minute - was this really a 'Paterno-initiated' issue?"  It was not - read the report.  You've let the media tell you what it says...and they only have 3 minutes of a 30 minute broadcast each evening.

Here's my final point, and one I am struggling with a lot.  I have heard many people screaming on the radio about how, "it's about the kids.  We need to stand up for the kids.  What Joe Paterno did is horrible and we need to protect the kids."  Joe Paterno did not rape little boys and, as far as I can tell, he and Mike McQueary are the only people that told anyone voluntarily.  I am struggling to figure out, though, how taking down a statue, removing his wins from a record book, or penalizing today's players is helping the victims heal.  If you're going to take $60 Million and give it to the families, I'd say it's a start...but I am guessing there is nothing anyone will ever do that will truly heal them of what happened at the hands of this vile scum.  Should something be done?  ABSOLUTELY - to the people that truly helped cover and conceal things.  The three I mentioned, the Board of Trustees, and the Governor of PA.  THESE are the people that let him continue doing these things.  To the fans and alumni of Penn State, I can answer your question, too - "Why Joe Paterno?"  Because.  Because he was the face of the school forever.  He ran a good program that was violation-free.  To indict the players - ANY of them - that played for him is unjust and unfair.  They did not do this.  As a matter of fact, the "Grand Experiment," as they say, is over.  Yet, just two days ago a report was released documenting NCAA football programs and their graduation rates.  I was proud of Alabama at #5...yet it paled in comparison to Penn State standing, still proudly because it is a statement about their players, at #1 with the highest rates in the country.

I'm sad and ashamed that we allow people to be knocked down because we are eager to see them fall.  Amazing that, in this day and age, we still cannot stand to see someone doing the right thing.  We just KNOW there has to be a scandal there.  Think what you want and take from this what you will.  I did not write in support of Penn State and I would gladly string up anyone harming a child in ANY way.    There is no way, after reading this report, that I believe the corrective actions of the NCAA were properly placed.  There are criminal charges to be filed.  While we all KNOW college football is big on these campuses, let's not make a statement just for the sake of saying college football has too much power.  Let's convict the criminals.  If we, as citizens, want to make this our Saturday calling and give the money we do, so be it.  That's a statement about us, not the school, and we're empowering these programs.  It's the same reason athletes are making 30 gazillion dollars after college - WE allow it.  WE go see them play.  I just think fair is fair and right is right.  It's the way I was raised.  Let's make our 'informed decisions' based on ALL the facts...not conjecture from talking heads on TV.  I was also taught to think for myself and get all the facts before reacting.  We need to do more of that.

Until next time..............