Thursday, March 31, 2011

Customer Service? Really?

As I sit here now, after dealing with another 'Monday', I feel compelled to share.  Mainly because it's what's expected here...I think.  If you found your way here, you'll see I'm ripping everyone after the idiocy displayed by some individuals.  Amazingly, these people are hired to interact and deal with the public.  To deal with actual customers!  I cannot imagine the hiring process for certain positions, but think it might start off with, "Okay, please show me you can tie your shoes."  I digress.....let me share the DirecTV story.  It's wonderfully, astoundingly, shockingly....well, typical.  The call (the first, anyway) went something like this:

ME: Hello?

DirecTV Gent: Mr Luckenaugh?

ME: Speaking.

DTV: Mr Luckenbaugh, we're calling because you have a past due balance on your bill.

ME: Yeah...about $275.00?

DTV: Well, $274.77 to be exact.

ME:'s because your HD receiver crapped out on the day of the BCS Championship game.  You sent a new one and I haven't returned the old one.  I promise to send it tomorrow.  Will you just note my account?

DTV: Yes, sir.  Nor problem.  Thanks for being a loyal customer.

Thus ended the simple interaction.  Clean, concise, and the end of it.....or so I thought.  After all, it is customer service.  I should have know their computer system is roughly the same IBM I bought 20 years ago.  4 Mb, 25 hZ.  I loved that slow paperweight.

Tuesday - a dark, stormy day made a tad darker by calls from DirecTV.  I was certain their system just hadn't 'caught up' yet.  Surely, if I dodged this call, I'd not hear from them again.  Uh-huh.  Not sure if I had too much coffee that day, the sun was shining my eyes or what.  Why I thought that is still a mystery.  Then...Wednesday - the greatest call!  This chick was a treat, too.  Great phone voice.  Sort of a cross between Minnie Mouse and Cyndi Lauper...and she caught me at a bad time.  I was looking for blood from the stupid.

HER: Mr Luckenbaugh?

ME: Yes...and before you get started, you're calling to tell me I have an outstanding balance.

HER: Yes, sir.  How did you want to take care of that? (Why I didn't say, "With a loaded handgun," is beyond me.)

ME: I already sent the reciever back.  Talked to a gentleman on Monday and he noted the account.  Covers the entire outstanding balance.  Do you see that in the notes?

HER: Yes, I do.  So how will you be taking care of the balance? (Wow, stoned and at work.  Nice.)

ME: I already told you, the receiver is on its way back to you.  That will take care of the balance.  The box broke, they sent me a new one.  I'm sending the broken one back.

HER: Okay, well let me get your address to send the new one and then send the recovery kit for the one to come back to us. (Hmm...wonder if she dresses herself)

ME: Seriously?  Did you hear a word I said?

HER:  Yes.  Did I miss something? 

ME: No, send the new box.  I'll keep it with the one you already sent.  I'll send the broken one back.  How much can I sell this one for?

HER:  You can't do that.

ME: Ma'am, do me a favor.  Take whatever you are smoking...and put some in the recovery kit.  I'll need it for the next time you call.

Okay, I didn't really ask if she was stoned.  I didn't ask to see the thing.  I did ask if they can read, though.  Seriously...IT WAS IN THE NOTES!!!  I cannot understand how people can put others into the position of dealing with customers when they are either blithering idiots or overly-aggressive.  That, I'm sure, will be another topic.  The bitch that told me she would not let me speak to her supervisor.  Not sure how it turned out for her, but I did get a personal e-mail from the President of the company.  He was, shall we say....displeased?  Anyway, it's been that kind of a day and that kind of a week.  Y'all are disappointing me.  Unlike Charlie Sheen, I don't have a million followers.  Not that I expected it.  I was being funny.  Or not.  Either way, this is kind of cathartic.  I can actually let some of these things go...along with my Valium and Xanax.  The valium anyway.  The Xanax stays...for it is our friend.  Hope everyone has a great night...and has a better Friday.....

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Breaking News.....and kids today's headline from near Tampa, FL - "Teen Pistol Whips Mom When She Won't Buy Her A Car".  Nice.  THIS is what today's youth has become?  I have to look forward to looking at my lovely daughter, smiling, as we peruse used cars...only to hear her say, "Against the hood, Old Man. Hand over the pen and no one gets hurt."  Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

Seriously, do we think we've gone too far as parents?  I mean, have we (just maybe) given them a little TOO much?  I mean, in what universe is it acceptable for a kid to pull a gun on a parent...and hold it to their head...because they won't cosign a loan?  I say the kid ought to be grounded.  With shackles.  No video games seems a little extreme, though.  They can keep those.  I'm sure they're not learning any bad habits from 'Rock 'Em, Sock 'Em Rampage Killers' or 'Grand Theft Auto'.  Who doesn't want to steal a car every now and then....just to stay fresh?

On another I the only one getting a little tired of The Royal Wedding?  Has anyone confirmed that they are, in fact, first cousins?  If you were Kate....wouldn't you have to worry the kid's going to grow up looking like his dad?  That, too, might just be my personal opinion.  I'm sure he has a fine personality.  I'm still trying to figure out how he bagged Diana.  I'm thinking roofies.  Ooh, there's an image.  I can't....never mind. 

Last, but certainly not least this morning...Go VCU.  And thayut's all I have to say about thayut.  Yeah, that was in my best 'Forrest Gump' voice. 

Okay, time to head out.  I have real appointments to get to.  Not to mention I don't think I can watch Hoda and Kathie Lee sit here and drink at 11:00 a.m.  Disgusted?  No.  Envious?  Perhaps....

Until then..... 

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

So this is blogging, huh?

Alright, folks.....some have suggested it.  A frustrated writer with WAY too much time on his hands (I don't really, but what the hell) needs to blog.  Or write.  Or type.  Or just let thoughts flow freely through his fingertips...which, I'd like to point out, has caused no end of trouble in the past.  So here it is - my simple writings for days when the FB status updates don't provide enough room.

Enough about that.  Quite simply, this is where my 'soapbox' issues will be displayed, in all their glory, for all to see and read.  My goal?  One million followers by the end of the week.  I realize I am no Charlie Sheen so I've given it a few extra days.  Charlie can do it in 24 hours on Twitter.  I can't drink like he can....though God knows I've tried at times.  I realize, too, that I have no machete, no Tigerblood (infusion coming soon), but I am (and always will be, somehow) WINNING!  Thanks Chuckles.

Send a suggestion for a topic.....or let me know how much better your life is for reading these words of wisdom. Okay, I said that in jest, but trust's better than mine.  Unless, of course, you've blown your life savings on the lottery, your spouse ran away with the insurance agent, or the cable has gone out....or you're in one of those "People of Wal-Mart" web pictorials.  In that case, please send pics.  Really.

So, we're see the Wizard....on the Yellow Brick Road....and into the 21st century.  A blog.  Me?  Who knew.....?