Thursday, March 31, 2011

Customer Service? Really?

As I sit here now, after dealing with another 'Monday', I feel compelled to share.  Mainly because it's what's expected here...I think.  If you found your way here, you'll see I'm ripping everyone after the idiocy displayed by some individuals.  Amazingly, these people are hired to interact and deal with the public.  To deal with actual customers!  I cannot imagine the hiring process for certain positions, but think it might start off with, "Okay, please show me you can tie your shoes."  I digress.....let me share the DirecTV story.  It's wonderfully, astoundingly, shockingly....well, typical.  The call (the first, anyway) went something like this:

ME: Hello?

DirecTV Gent: Mr Luckenaugh?

ME: Speaking.

DTV: Mr Luckenbaugh, we're calling because you have a past due balance on your bill.

ME: Yeah...about $275.00?

DTV: Well, $274.77 to be exact.

ME:'s because your HD receiver crapped out on the day of the BCS Championship game.  You sent a new one and I haven't returned the old one.  I promise to send it tomorrow.  Will you just note my account?

DTV: Yes, sir.  Nor problem.  Thanks for being a loyal customer.

Thus ended the simple interaction.  Clean, concise, and the end of it.....or so I thought.  After all, it is customer service.  I should have know their computer system is roughly the same IBM I bought 20 years ago.  4 Mb, 25 hZ.  I loved that slow paperweight.

Tuesday - a dark, stormy day made a tad darker by calls from DirecTV.  I was certain their system just hadn't 'caught up' yet.  Surely, if I dodged this call, I'd not hear from them again.  Uh-huh.  Not sure if I had too much coffee that day, the sun was shining my eyes or what.  Why I thought that is still a mystery.  Then...Wednesday - the greatest call!  This chick was a treat, too.  Great phone voice.  Sort of a cross between Minnie Mouse and Cyndi Lauper...and she caught me at a bad time.  I was looking for blood from the stupid.

HER: Mr Luckenbaugh?

ME: Yes...and before you get started, you're calling to tell me I have an outstanding balance.

HER: Yes, sir.  How did you want to take care of that? (Why I didn't say, "With a loaded handgun," is beyond me.)

ME: I already sent the reciever back.  Talked to a gentleman on Monday and he noted the account.  Covers the entire outstanding balance.  Do you see that in the notes?

HER: Yes, I do.  So how will you be taking care of the balance? (Wow, stoned and at work.  Nice.)

ME: I already told you, the receiver is on its way back to you.  That will take care of the balance.  The box broke, they sent me a new one.  I'm sending the broken one back.

HER: Okay, well let me get your address to send the new one and then send the recovery kit for the one to come back to us. (Hmm...wonder if she dresses herself)

ME: Seriously?  Did you hear a word I said?

HER:  Yes.  Did I miss something? 

ME: No, send the new box.  I'll keep it with the one you already sent.  I'll send the broken one back.  How much can I sell this one for?

HER:  You can't do that.

ME: Ma'am, do me a favor.  Take whatever you are smoking...and put some in the recovery kit.  I'll need it for the next time you call.

Okay, I didn't really ask if she was stoned.  I didn't ask to see the thing.  I did ask if they can read, though.  Seriously...IT WAS IN THE NOTES!!!  I cannot understand how people can put others into the position of dealing with customers when they are either blithering idiots or overly-aggressive.  That, I'm sure, will be another topic.  The bitch that told me she would not let me speak to her supervisor.  Not sure how it turned out for her, but I did get a personal e-mail from the President of the company.  He was, shall we say....displeased?  Anyway, it's been that kind of a day and that kind of a week.  Y'all are disappointing me.  Unlike Charlie Sheen, I don't have a million followers.  Not that I expected it.  I was being funny.  Or not.  Either way, this is kind of cathartic.  I can actually let some of these things go...along with my Valium and Xanax.  The valium anyway.  The Xanax stays...for it is our friend.  Hope everyone has a great night...and has a better Friday.....


  1. No crap some of these people. You should have seen my moms face when I was having... well a conversation LOL with Sprint oh my it was priceless

  2. Yeah those people can't get a real job so they settle for an idiots job. They probably are in another country! I have had directv for like 14 years with about 8 months removed. We moved to ohio in 1999. Only problem I had was when one of the genius operators convinced me to bundle. Wrong move!! After I separated the bills again it's been pretty smooth. We can't get u verse in my neighborhood. So its dtv or comcast. Football package is lame on comcast. We love the Sunday ticket for the saints games!! Espn game plan is kind of lame, the games are teams I'm not even familiar with. So we dropped that. Anyway, I'm sorry you've had such a bad time with them. And to top it off the receiver broke during the championship??? Oh my that is worse than death!! I don't
    have hd service, maybe that's a whole new realm of possible trouble I don't know about! Well I hope you work it out and where's all the people who told you to blog?!?! I hope to see you soon too! April 30 is the crawfish biol! Get here if you can!!! Take care!

  3. Dave here's one of my favorite maneuvers--works damn near every time...When you start getting a bunch or crap, start saying things like, "I don't know what's happening to my connection (helps to put some noise in) or: I'm getting a low battery alert--let me call you right back, etc. When you call back you generally get someone new, Then you can start, " We had a bad connection, but your agent was in the process of making a note in my account, sending me an RMA, etc. The only downside is that you'd end up with less material, but I'm guessing that would NOT be a big problem for you :)

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